


The Angel of Infuriating Sarcasm

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Series: AU Mashup [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Deals, M/M, Tech Support!Castiel, angel!Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 04:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15307362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: Castiel hates his job in tech support, but he needs a job, just like everyone else.  Then he has a very weird day.





	The Angel of Infuriating Sarcasm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LadyShadowphyre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyShadowphyre/gifts).



> Prompt: Tech support, crossdressing, angel AU.

“Look, I know, you’re very smart, but just… humor me, okay? They have this script written for brain-dead mud monkey customers, and we all know it, but my boss is a huge stickler for following the script. I’ll probably get in trouble for going even this far off-script. His revenge will be petty. I’ll probably end up working on Thanksgiving or something. So, please, can you just click in the lower left corner, go to power, and choose restart?” Castiel gave it a count of thirty, and then heard the customer’s surprised gasp. “The problem’s gone?”

“The problem’s gone! Thank you, Clarence, you’re an angel!” The woman hung up, Castiel marked the problem fixed and himself available for the next call, and then kicked back to wait. When he was marked unavailable without a call coming in, he sighed. Zachariah was, in fact, going to be a dick about Castiel’s method of convincing the woman to try turning it off and back on again. He was halfway to Zachariah’s office when he realized two things. One, Zachariah was out today, in a meeting with other department heads with one of the vice-presidents. Two, the whole room had gone silent while he walked.

This was new territory. Usually, when things were going wonky for him, Castiel could explain. He quickly checked – no, his dress was on, not tucked into his underwear, there weren’t obvious food stains anywhere, there wasn’t toilet paper dragging from his sandal… there was no reason for anyone to be staring at him. Which, now that he looked around, they weren’t. They were frozen. This had to be something very, very weird.

“Be not afraid.”

Castiel froze. He remembered those words from Sunday school with his dad. Those words always meant trouble. Sure, good things might come out of it, but for an angel to show up in your life? That. Meant. Trouble. He slowly turned, hand up to try to shield him from the inhumanly bright light he expected.

It wasn’t there. “Why would anyone be afraid of you?” came out of his mouth before he could readjust his expectations, and then he cringed. Why would anyone be afraid of someone well over six feet, in excellent physical health, who just appeared unexpectedly behind them? He couldn’t imagine. If it weren’t for his brain conjuring images of flaming wheels or multi-faced beings or writhing masses of tentacles with way too many eyes, he’d probably be preparing to run and hope that knowing the building would do some good because there was no way speed would be enough.

The angel shrugged. “I have no idea, but you humans are so easily frightened, we were told to begin any interactions with humans that way. Be not afraid. I’m not here to hurt you.”

“No, you’re just here to completely upend my life, send me on some holy mission for a god I’m not sure I even really believe in, or at least I wasn’t until just now, or something equally disturbing that, technically, doesn’t count as hurting me.” Castiel paused. “Although as I’m not equipped for it, if you’re here to tell me I’ve been chosen to carry the child of the Lord, I think that would qualify as hurting me.”

The angel snorted. “Okay then. No pregnancy announcements. Wow, you’re cynical. For all you know, I could be here to ask you on a date.”

“Right, because angels dropping in on humans at work to ask them out happens _so_ often.”

The angel smirked. It was incredibly odd to see. “Well, you brought up the pregnancy announcement, and that’s only happened once, so…”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “What are you, the angel of infuriating sarcasm?”

“Mystical research, actually. Samael.”

Castiel’s blood froze. He knew that name. His job working tech support was a cover; his life’s work was in doing mystical research for those who protected the world from the supernatural or mystical forces that tried to hurt people. As a side project, he’d begun researching Samael, figuring that while he didn’t believe in god anymore, it just might be possible that angels were watching over him – and if any angel were watching, Samael seemed like the best choice. The habit of daily prayer was too deeply engrained from his father’s teachings, so he’d started praying to Samael instead of god. He tried to think back through the prayers, looking for any kind of clues for why Samael would come to him. He couldn’t. “Um… sorry if I’ve been annoying you?”

“No. Not at all. Just the opposite, really.” Samael walked toward Castiel. “Your devotion impressed me.”

“You do know I only pray to you because not praying at all feels wrong, don’t you?”

Samael ducked his head, but not before Castiel saw the brilliant smile that lit up his face. “I didn’t mean your devotion to me, I meant your devotion to your friends. That’s why I’m here. I’ve felt your frustration with this job, both for its tediousness and for the time it takes away from your real work, and I have a solution.”

“Quit and find a better one, like my sister keeps telling me to do?” That wasn’t helpful. It wasn’t the job itself Castiel hated, it’s that without it he couldn’t afford food or electricity. There was no such thing as a job that you never had to show up for.

Samael shot him a puzzled look. “I don’t see how that helps. No. Quit this job and accept my partnership. Or sponsorship, or whatever you want to call it. Your electricity will always stay on, your refrigerator will always be stocked, whatever else you need, I’ll provide if I can.”

“Okay, so the hidden strings? Because this sounds way too good to be true.”

“Well, it means you end up cut off from one of your main forms of human contact, and the other one you rarely actually see the people you’re talking to. It’s not good for humans to be alone. Therefore, you have to deal with me and my associate.”

“Your associate?” This, Castiel didn’t know about. It disturbed him a little to realize he was feeling jealous. Of an angel, over an angel.

“Yeah. He’s kind of… okay. First thing, he’s a demon, but don’t let that bother you. He’s my brother, in an odd sort of way. His name’s Dean, and he is the most human demon you’ll ever meet.”

“You have a brother who’s a demon.” Well, he could see why that wouldn't have been in the research, but it didn't make any sense.

“I have a brother who’s a demon.”

Well. There was a huge problem there. What kind of angel would set this up? “And you want me to deal with him.”

“Not in the sense of making any kind of deals," Sam clarified hurriedly. "This deal is with me alone. In fact, it’s really best you don’t. In the sense of putting up with him and his odd sense of humor, and his occasionally questionable morals, yes. He can get you a lot of information you wouldn’t be able to get on your own, and he’ll make sure you don’t forget to take breaks and have fun.” Sam looked up, and Castiel blinked as he realized Sam looked hopeful. “So, what do you say?”

“Yes. Yes, I’ll take this deal. No more tech support, and a chance to learn things and be more helpful to my colleagues? Absolutely.” He hesitated. “Do I have to kiss you now?”

Another brilliant smile, although this time, Sam didn’t hide it. “Dean’s the demon, not me. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. If you do want to, though, I’m not going to object at all.”


End file.
